Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Falling in Love

This is a very random post, but it is one of my soap boxes that I have wanted to share with you. I will give it to you straight. It will not speak to some of you. Others, it will. Some of you may not like it. I am ok with that.

I am not sure that I believe that there is such a thing as "falling in love". And yes, my wife knows that I think this! (I DO believe in romance and passion and dating your wife and all that good stuff). I hear people talking about "faCheck Spellinglling in love" and "being in love" all the time and it leaves me frustrated. I hear single people rationalizing stupid decision because they are "in love". I listen while married people tell me that they are just not "in love" anymore. What the heck is that supposed to mean? I think that this way of seeing love is stolen fresh out of Hollywood and off the radio and it's fake.

Falling in love? Makes it sound like you just sort of trip and accidentally land in a big fluffy pile of love. Yeah, ok, right (read sarcastically). I do not believe that real love is discovered one day by accident, but that it is lived out every day on purpose! Truly loving your spouse is shown through years of strong commitment, sacrifice, integrity and faithfulness to the promises you made. True love is not an emotion, a feeling, a goose bump or physical arousal. It is waking up everyday and loving your spouse the way that Jesus loves you. And then doing it again tomorrow. Whether you FEEL like it or not. True love is not based on butterflies and thrill, it is based on doing life with integrity even when those things are gone....and loving doing it!

Here is my personal opinion of what "falling in love" means:
  • We just met.
  • We have probably been together less than 6 months.
  • I am passionately attracted to them and wanna fly when they touch me.
  • We have not started fighting yet.
  • This feels more thrilling than the other person I was with.
  • It's great to finally feel what they feel in the movies and on TV.
The above description is someone in heat, not in love!

Single people: Wait one year before you determine whether you are "in love."

Married people: Do not chase a Soap Opera love story for your marriage. It is not the way it is nor should it be! If you are getting "bored in your marriage," there are a lot of great things to do to liven it up. Longing to "fall in love" again and finding that somewhere else will ruin your life, not liven it up!

What are your thoughts on this? Leave a comment.

17 comments:

Ben Rainey said...

True.

Anonymous said...

How sad and yes I am Female,UCJ

Stacy S said...

Very true.

Pastor Noah said...

Jaye, I am lost. What do you mean about being female?

Anonymous said...

I think that your comments are sad. To me, there is nothing better than falling in love and being in love with the one that you love. Maybe I am a romantic. My Husband Robert is an awesome man and I agree that I have grown to love him more and more every day and I do agree that love is a choice and I choose to continue to love him. But I would not give away anything for the giddyness and joy and excitement that I felt and still feel everytime I see him. I think that is an emotion to be cherished and that there is nothing wrong with it. Did I miss what you where saying? Yes I made some crazy decisions but I think the decision helped me love him all the more. OWO I am getting on my soapbox now. Emotions are not bad....Peace UCJ

Anonymous said...

Hey can I get fired for blog responses??? LOL :-) UCJ

Jessica said...

Hey Noah, I read another blog the other day talking about the relationship of a marriage. Your blog and the other has really inspired me to look more into how I perceive marriage. Maybe I need to change some of my thinking on all of this. The other blogger referenced a Christian writer, Gary Thomas who wrote a book called Sacred Marriage. Have you read it (on any other books by this author)?

Pastor Noah said...

Jaye, the blog is the place for all of to say what we gotta say! I hear you. I expected some would feel the way you do. Look, I am ok with giddy and a fan of emotion. I love Tricia like there is no tomorrow and we have some....well I shall stop. I think that you are missing some of what I am saying. And I may not be totally getting what you are saying, but there is something for us to learn.

I am just saying that biblical love is defined much differently than the loud voice of culture defines it.

Jessica- thanks for the feedback and reading recommendation. I have more that I will share about marriage in the next few days. Check back.

Anonymous said...

Peace! UCJ

Anonymous said...

For married people, I feel love is never defined by how long you have known each other before getting married to each other. I disagree with you on that, although myself and Ike knew each other 6yrs before we got married, I have seen and met friends that knew each other for less than 6months got married and are enjoying their marriage just like some other that knew each other forever before getting married. My take is this; Knowing God makes two hearts live together as one, once the parties are believers that settles it and that is the only way they can love each other the way Christ loves the church and never how long they knew each other and hung out before getting married to each other.
To each as he thinks!
Uche

Pastor Noah said...

Perhaps my words were a tad confusing. Happens. Just want to clear up that I do not think that length of time knowing one another is much the issue. I just think that real, biblical, marital love is not about the thrills of falling in love but the integrity of remaining in love for years and years and good times and bad and goose bumps and nausea! LOL! Making any more sense?

Pastor Noah said...

By the way. This is a great conversation and I appreciate all of your comments. There are no bad one. Agree or disagree. It is all good! Glad you are thinking about it.

Helena said...

I agree with you and think this is why so many marriages break up. We think our marriages should follow some sort of Hollywood script and feel disappointed when they don't and feel like we are no longer "in love." I think it is Gary Chapman in "The Five Love Languages" that describes those emotional feelings as "The Tingles." Research shows that "The Tingles" last an average of 18 months. When that is over you better have some ideas about how to sustain a real grown-up, relying on God relationship. Great topic for discussion!

Thurman "TC" said...

Well TODAY is our 12th wedding anniversary!!! I'm excited that I'm still excited about being married! We "fell in love" after being friends for 18 months. We we're married within 3 months of our initial date as a couple. I don't know the proper recipe. In my lifetime I have asked maybe 30 couples who have been married 20 years or more what the secret is. EVERYONE HAS SAID EITHER "PRAYER" OR "PUT GOD FIRST." These were not all Christian couples. I have had to literally die in many areas and I know Christine has to. That's the only way we've come this far. Bless you.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of soap operas, I've sometimes joked that maybe if I'd put cue cards around the house, Ted would say the smultzy things they say on the soaps. lol (It's fun to watch for actors to glance at their cue cards on any show.) But one thing I've always been amazed at in soaps is how often they are saying "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." Which is rarely done in real life--marriage or otherwise. Maybe we need cue cards after all.
Hannah

Pastor Noah said...

TC, Helena and Hannah-- Love what each of you shared into this conversation. This has been fun listening to the different thoughts. This is part of the vision of this blog. Conversation! Welcome! Keep it up, guys! I like hearing from you.

Michelle said...

Amen. Just had this conversation with my kids the other day...not that they are anywhere close to this stuff! But I enjoy having "life conversations" with them while they still young enough to listen to me! (: I think most young people do not understand the difference between real love and feelings. When I was a teen, my youth leaders encouraged us to pray about our future spouse even though we were way too young to think about marriage. Years later when I felt torn between two relationships, prayer led me to make the right choice. 17+ years and counting! No regrets. Wouldn't want anyone else. Each relationship experience is unique but God knows who he has chosen for us and only with that person will we be the happiest and most complete...and for some personalities, that is expressed through giddy, excited emotions!