Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What does Mom think of all this? (Pam Kaye, Guest Blogger)

As many of you know I am very close with my son, Noah and as a mother, I had been feeling a sense of uneasiness after Noah returned from his sabbatical. I kept sensing that God was doing a new work in his heart, and I was sure that I would know more as time went on.

One afternoon in March, I received a call from Noah inviting us to come over. He wanted to share what God was doing recently in their lives. In my heart I thought it might have something to do with a change regarding his role at CCF, but I had no idea what was about to be revealed. (The details of the calling have since been revealed, so I will skip that story.)

When I heard the words “South Africa” I couldn't believe my ears. This was a devastating announcement to me and I wasn't supportive or excited about this great revelation that Noah and Tricia were so thrilled about. I had a million questions and frankly, Noah had none of the answers. One thing we have learned is that God doesn't always give us the details when he asks us to follow Him. But I am Mom, and I wanted to know about the well-being and future of my Son and his family.

As the time was approaching for the announcement to be made to the church, I continued to seek the Lord for resolution regarding the call and move. As God often operates, I got no clear direction until the early morning hours of May 2nd-- the day of the announcement.

Early that morning, the Lord woke me up and this is what I received:

When you raise a child to go after God never be surprised what He will do. In 1998 I gave Noah back to God as he left for bible college knowing that he would probably never return. But God surprised me by allowing him to return and pastor my church. How amazing was that? So we served and were family together for six years. And then came this call. I didn't believe that the same God who brought my son home would now be sending him to South Africa. So the tears, anger and questioning began. But, that morning, I finally got it...

When you give something to God, you give it forever-- not to have any say so or control over what God chooses to do. He gave Noah back to me for a season and now I must release him with the same bittersweet joy that I felt in 1998 as we drove off the campus of Valley Forge Christian College, believing that God had an incredible ride ahead for our boy. Our hearts are now intertwined with two more people, Tricia and Davis, so releasing comes with new pain. But, praise God for what he is doing and his amazing and very personal plan for each of our lives.

As Loving Mother,

Pam Kaye

PS- If you know Joe, you know that this is a tad easier for him. He will miss them lots, but he was thrilled from the first day he heard the news.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Thanks, Pam, that is very touching and very profound. I really appreciate your sharing your heart. And thanks, Noah, for inviting her to share your blog-space.

Noah said...

Praise the Lord, Karen. There are no words to express how much Mom's words here mean to me!

Abiola Johnson said...

This is very deep. It is a valid emotion for many mothers when they have to let their children go into the world. But it is part of our faith journey, letting go and letting God. Thanks for sharing.

Helena said...

Thanks for sharing, Pam. Even as my two are still young, every time I pray that God would lead them and that they would seek Him all their lives, I feel the Spirit saying, "you know I might take them where you don't want them to go." Yikes! Even in thought, it is not pleasant to a mother's heart, so I will be praying for you! Love you all! (and Sammy declares his love for Grammy every time Awana comes up. They are going to be devastated when it is over for the summer.)